I must apologize for my absence on my blog. I have better excuse than that I have been distracted by love. How girlish of me, but it's true. I've been caught up in someone and forgetting about my blog. I can also honestly say that not a lot is new with me, I recently applied to University and I've checked the website every single day since. I can't wait to hear back and see if I have been accepted. I don't think University applications are as important to most, but they are very important to me. If I get in not only will I be studying something I am very passionate about, I will also be moving far far away and experiencing a completely different life. I am getting so impatient waiting for change, high school has turned into a slow ticking clock holding me back and locking me in every day. I can't wait to break away from it. I hope everything is well with you all, and I hope someone is still reading after all this time.

Much Love

Trust

How can I when my mind is constantly spinning around every could be, or what if. How can we trust when the trust we put in others is more often than not broken.

Are we angels or demons.

I'll never know how exactly to tell you that you are the happiness in my life. You're the one that changed everything for me. Maybe that was a long time ago, maybe too much has changed and we can't go back. Maybe we learn, and instead of giving up we move forward. Maybe that's what we do, maybe it works. Maybe we learn how to be with eachother again the way it was. You listen, you learn. I listen, I learn. We change. Maybe all we need is patience and understanding. But maybe we say goodbye. Maybe I don't know anymore.

Time Will Tell

I've lost count of the things you make amazing. I can't list everything you've done for me. I can't explain your effect on me. I just know it, I can feel it. Even on the days like today where we wonder what is worth, it I still feel it. Days like today remind me how strong we are, and how much I believe in us. Days like today don't break my heart or tear me apart, they make me appreciate you more. No one has ever been so honest, no one ever tells me the truth. Sometimes it hurts and it's surprising, but only because I've been protected from any honest communication for most of my existence. To me you are worth it, you are worth the struggle. Thanks for making me feel beautiful even when beautiful feels wrong.

Change

Oh, I just can't find the strength to pull you up and keep you taut.

Beauty

You Must Cross Your Heart & Kiss Your Elbows

Forever Young

Lately I've felt such a need for change in my life. Perhaps something as simple and altering a routine, opening my eyes to a cause, or maybe just opening my eyes to my very own surroundings. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my life and where I'm going to end up. I've thought about all of the complications I have had, the problems I still live with, and the people in my life. I can't help but wonder if I will be stuck here for the remainder of my days, or if I'll ever have the strength to break away as I crave so badly. I wonder if I'll still have the motivation for my education five years from now. I worry that choices I'm making now will affect me forever, I worry that I may never get over the problems I battle alone. I try to sit back and close my eyes and picture myself in ten years, and wonder how I will attain that perfect image. Mostly I wonder if I'm the only one wondering these things.

Show Me A Sign Of Life

If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do,
If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

I was dressed embarrassment.
I was dressed in wine.
If you had a part of me, will you take you're time?
Even if I come back, even if I die
Is there some idea to replace my life?
Like a father to impress;
Like a mother's mourning dress,
If you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you

Dazed

I used to know exactly what I wanted from life, I had perfect plans, and a perfect routine. I knew how to control the things in my life, how to destruct the things I did not want, and how to achieve the things I did want. It was so easy to misguide and send people in the other direction, to avoid confrontation and keep the questions away. I perfected the control and changes to be so slight, and so quiet no one ever questioned the differences. The only problem is that none of it was perfect, the perfection was the destruction and the control over powered every choice I made. No one questioned me, because no one was watching. The only thing I had perfected was pushing people away. I should have learned to let go of my petty obsessions, that turned into habits, and addictions. The truth is you can never really let go.

Leaves Become Most Beautiful When They Are About To Die

I'm sitting in summer school, listening to Regina Spektor wondering what to do with my day since I'm done my project and I have the whole day to do it. My boy is in New York and I don't think I've ever missed anyone quite this much, I want him to come back so I can stop spending my days watching endless movies and t.v shows and sitting outside late at night drinking coffee and smoking then trying to wake up the next morning for school. I want the summer to end. I want fall and it's colors and I want winter, and snowflakes, and Christmas.

Paper Doves

I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but I miss every moment I've spent with you since the first day I saw you.
I can't wait for you to come back

Control

Life is unpredictable and uncontrollable.
People leave, and leave you.
They ignore the problems and pull away when it's too much.
They move on and forget.
Why can't we ever have control, why can't it be ok to ask someone to stay.
I can't do it, how am I supposed to?

Pretty Young Thing

oh clouds...

Honest

I'm stuck in our past

Revenge

I do not know, what cannot be said.

I ask a question, you respond in a riddle.
How can I do this without knowing for sure, you torture me with silence.
I need you to reassure me, tell me what I think is wrong.
Tell me what to know, tell me not to fear.

Rouge

So far my summer has not been like any other I've had. By this time I'm usually investing my time in books and tea alone all day and night enjoying my blissful solitude. I'm finding it unusually odd and delightful to be spending my days with this lovely boy I have. The only thing I really absolutely hate about summer is that unkind heat that haunts you in your sleep. There really is nothing worse than waking up and feeling like your sleeping in a heater. & I live in Canada, I don't even want to imagine how the south is feeling right now.

Looking Glass

I want black tea and butterfly's, cruel intentions and lovely eyes. I want that summer back, I want it to repeat and redefine me, I want to ask myself if I like who I've become.

Metallic

Love

You can hold on or let go. Everyday I struggle to hold on & everyday I struggle not to let go. I hope you can hold on, tighten your grip on our surroundings, take your life for what it is & stop wishing you could change it. You've dealt yourself this situation, you thrive for it and crave it. You can't quit what you love, but please don't let go. Remember to hold on, and when the day comes that you no longer want this. Promise me you won't let go, and you'll crawl your way back up. I used to think this would be the end of me, but the world is larger than the small spaces of our contaminated minds.

Blackberry Tea

Can't stop, can't breath, can't live without that control
Need it, Want it, Crave it, Desire it
You watch the world around you, see them pull you left and right
They make you walk and talk and dance and prance
They pull your puppet strings around
But when those strings break and you stand up on your own
They push you down and tie you back up, how dare you fight control

Inexplicable

I am so in love with this song right now, Jorane in general actually. It's absolutely hauntingly beautiful.

Film III